This Blogger's Dilemma

When I started this blog, I did it anonymously.  Not only do I have an ex-husband that I don't want snooping around in my nooks and crannies, but I already share a great deal of my life on Facebook and another, much smaller, on-line community based site.  I share pictures of The Boy, of myself, and provide status updates of my most mundane activities.  I talk in detail about sleep problems (The Boys, not mine), ex-husband problems, potty training, boogers, favorite songs and what my kid will and will not eat.  I discuss how many hours he sleeps, what he eats, if he is tall enough, weighs enough, talks enough, can sit still long enough...all of it.  Nothing is sacred.  And I love it.  Love the intimacy and real friendships that have evolved from a bunch of women who found each other by chance.  And I love their miracle kids.  I feel like these people are part of my family.

But when I started this blog, I didn't want it to be about that stuff; I wanted it to be about me. Me. ME ME ME.  Of course my son plays prominentaly in any discussion about myself; I love being a mom, and feel that it has changed me in ways that I am only beginning to understand.  I decided that I wouldn't be posting any photos here.  I wouldn't be talking about The Boy, except in the context of how I felt about being a Mom.  I don't know where this blog will eventually end up; don't know what turns it will take in the future, but for now what I want it for, what I need it for, was so that I could think about and sort through how I feel about being a single, working mom, about my career, about my life.  I looked at some single mom blogs, and some of them are pretty good, but a lot of them seem to be about dating, about men, about dealing with ex's, etc.  I hope to be discussing most of those topics at some point, but I want to explore how I feel about my life.  My job, my friends, my son, my ex, my family -- they are all just a part of it.

Which brings me to my dilemma.  When I started this blog, I figured I would just write and write and eventually, some readers would find me.  Well, after entry 1, I needed some feedback, so I asked a friend that has an amazing blog, the blog that inspired me to start writing this actually.  Said friend linked (with my permission) to my blog from hers (shameless plug: Visit this woman's blog - it is incredible! It doesn't matter if you are a lawyer or not, it's a great read), so the first people to read my blog are, naturally, criminal defense attorneys, who didn't seem terribly interested,  and people that know me - that know parts of me; the mom parts.  I love my friends for supporting me and giving me encouragement.  Love them for wanting to get to know the other parts of me.  But it worries me, too.  I am trying to find my voice, to find my story.  I am not sure what that story is yet and am learning as I go.  What if they don't like these other parts of me that they will meet, some for the very first time?   Will I be, can I be,  true to my voice now that I have lost my anonymity? If I can't speak from my heart, is there any purpose in continuing this at all?  Yeah, I didn't think so either.

So this leads me to the message for my friends:  I hope they like the other parts of me as much as they like the mom parts, but feel that I should warn them: they may not. But remember that the non-mom parts have helped to shape the pieces and parts of me that you do know and love.  I am still the same person, the same mom, the same friend that I have been these last years.  The real story that I want to tell is not about any individual piece or part of me; it's about where those pieces overlap and collide.  Where the pieces are at war with each other, and where they have found a surprisingly peaceful co-existence.  That's the story that is interesting to me, the journey that I want to explore more of, embrace and live each day.  Welcome my friends, to my little slice of the blogosphere, it's really great to finally meet you.